Actually, I think I had it all wrong.
I was writing this blog thinking I was like Kanye and that I would miraculously generate millions of followers because I was so awesome.
I need to let go of this expectation, dream, ambition, or whatever you call it.
I looked back at my first entry and it was clear that through this blog, I wanted to connect with people. But because of this pressure, I kept procrastinating on writing more blog entries (shameful 7 months of no entry beginning of this year 2016)
I think this transcript from Grace and Frankie perfectly sums up my feeling:
Frankie: Oh, God, well, I tried to "join the conversation," Mike, like you and I talked about, but nobody is talking back to me.
Mike: You know, Frankie, the Internet's not like a real conversation. It's just a bunch of people screaming into the void. For a real conversation, you need…
Frankie: I know, I know, Mike.
Mike: You… you need real people.
So there you go. I need to let go of the expectation that I'll be a phenomenon and will create loyal followers. Just be me, just write about my feelings, because who's going to read it anyway? Of course, I'll still need to be careful on what I write just in case my entries don't backfire at me.
But I need to write for me. Not so that people will like me or for others to read.
So note to self: Write without any expectations. Write for myself. For my sanity.